larso
Sergeant Major
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 1,565
Funny movie review putdowns -
“I’m not familiar with the Bulletproof Monk comic book that sparked this movie but this is because I have known the soft caress of a woman and am thus excluded from the target demographic.”
Bulletproof Monk, MrCranky.com
“An explosion in a stupid factory”
A Good Day To Die Hard, Larushka Ivan-Zadeh, Metro
“Forrest Gump on a Tractor”
The Straight Story — David Cox, Film4/The Guardian
“It is a film so awe-inspiringly wooden that it is basically a fire-risk.”
Grace of Monaco, Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian.
“What can you say about a sequel that Steve Guttenberg won’t even appear in?”
Police Academy 5, Leonard Maltin
“Only — repeat only — for those who thought Police Academy 5 was robbed at Oscar time”
Police Academy 6, Leonard Maltin
“(Revenge of the Sith) marks a distinct improvement on the last two episodes, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones … but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion.”
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Anthony Lane, The New Yorker
“Armageddon got some astronomy right. For example, there is an asteroid in the movie, and asteroids do indeed exist.”
Armageddon, Phil Plait, the “Bad Astronomer”
“Eleven years and several progressively more dreadful movies after Signs, director M. Night Shyamalan would be lucky to get a gig directing traffic.”
After Earth, Lou Lumenick, New York Post
“M. Night Shyamalan has nothing to say, but he’s going to keep right on saying it until people make him stop.”
The Village, Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle
“It’s marginally better than The Cat in the Hat, though that’s like saying suffocation is mildly more amusing than drowning.”
Garfield: The Movie, Sean O’Connell, Filmcritic.com
Absolute cack: appallingly written, witlessly directed and sung as if by mice being tortured. It makes Teletubbies look like The Iliad in comparison.”
Mamma Mia! Stephen Pollard, The Spectator
“(Nick) Nolte looks as though he died five years ago and nobody bothered to tell him, and he runs (or staggers) with the tatty grace of the walking dead.”
The Good Thief, Marc Savlov, The Austin Chronicle
“If there are ten films worse than Bride Wars this year, I quit ... Everyone will tell you it’s a chick flick. Only in the sense that if you ground it up and fed it to battery hens it might be better served than running it through a projector.”
Bride Wars, Mark Kermode, The Observer
“I’m not familiar with the Bulletproof Monk comic book that sparked this movie but this is because I have known the soft caress of a woman and am thus excluded from the target demographic.”
Bulletproof Monk, MrCranky.com
“An explosion in a stupid factory”
A Good Day To Die Hard, Larushka Ivan-Zadeh, Metro
“Forrest Gump on a Tractor”
The Straight Story — David Cox, Film4/The Guardian
“It is a film so awe-inspiringly wooden that it is basically a fire-risk.”
Grace of Monaco, Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian.
“What can you say about a sequel that Steve Guttenberg won’t even appear in?”
Police Academy 5, Leonard Maltin
“Only — repeat only — for those who thought Police Academy 5 was robbed at Oscar time”
Police Academy 6, Leonard Maltin
“(Revenge of the Sith) marks a distinct improvement on the last two episodes, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones … but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion.”
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Anthony Lane, The New Yorker
“Armageddon got some astronomy right. For example, there is an asteroid in the movie, and asteroids do indeed exist.”
Armageddon, Phil Plait, the “Bad Astronomer”
“Eleven years and several progressively more dreadful movies after Signs, director M. Night Shyamalan would be lucky to get a gig directing traffic.”
After Earth, Lou Lumenick, New York Post
“M. Night Shyamalan has nothing to say, but he’s going to keep right on saying it until people make him stop.”
The Village, Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle
“It’s marginally better than The Cat in the Hat, though that’s like saying suffocation is mildly more amusing than drowning.”
Garfield: The Movie, Sean O’Connell, Filmcritic.com
Absolute cack: appallingly written, witlessly directed and sung as if by mice being tortured. It makes Teletubbies look like The Iliad in comparison.”
Mamma Mia! Stephen Pollard, The Spectator
“(Nick) Nolte looks as though he died five years ago and nobody bothered to tell him, and he runs (or staggers) with the tatty grace of the walking dead.”
The Good Thief, Marc Savlov, The Austin Chronicle
“If there are ten films worse than Bride Wars this year, I quit ... Everyone will tell you it’s a chick flick. Only in the sense that if you ground it up and fed it to battery hens it might be better served than running it through a projector.”
Bride Wars, Mark Kermode, The Observer
