How about a quick joke? (1 Viewer)

[johnnybach]

Bob goes into a Sports Bar - for a quick drink.
As he walks up to the bar - he notices a nice looking blonde sat there watching TV
Taking the seat next to her - he orders his drink - and starts watching the Evening News.

The TV cuts to a man standing on a window ledge of a tall building.
Watching - he says "Bet you a tenner the guy jumps".
The blonde replies "Bet you he won't".
Bob slaps his tenner on the bar - and says again, "bet you he will"
The blonde pulls a tenner from her purse and places it on the bar.

Moments later - the guy on TV - does a dive straight off the ledge.

Sighing - the blonde pushes her tenner over and says "you win - there's your tenner".

Bob says " No - I can't take it - I must confess, I watched the Early News with that clip - and knew he would jump".

"So did I" says the blonde, " but I never thought he'd be dumb enough to do it again!"

Bob took the money.

 

[Scott]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little man on your knee."

I told my very blonde daughter this one when she asked what blonde jokes are. She said straight-faced that "the little man shouldn't have said those mean things!"

 

[waynepoo]

''CHICKEN SURPRISE"
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise',
the waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she sees two beady
little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.
He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little beady eyes looking around before
it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'What you order?'
The husband replies, 'Chicken surprise.'
'Ah! So sorry.' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!'
:wink2::rolleyes2:
Wayne.

 

[johnnybach]

That's better - smiling already - just one more from me

A guy has been trying to sell his car - but no joy.

He is discussing why there is no interest - and his friend realises that it is listed as having 330,000 miles on the clock.

Taking his dumb friend to one side - he suggests something illegal to do with mileage - and gives him the address of a shady garage.

A couple of weeks go by - and he sees his friend again - still with the car. He asks him whether he had visited the garage and had the clock wound back. "Sure did" his friend replied. "Then why haven't you sold the car yet then?" he asks.

Don't be stupid - his friend replied " I'm not selling it - it's only done 30,000 miles!" Doh!

 

[waynepoo]

A burglar broke into a house one night.
He was shining his flashlight around looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'JESUS KNOWS YOU'RE HERE.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze.
When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
'JESUS IS WATCHING YOU.'
Freaked out, he shown his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me. huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the parrot.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
The parrot replied, 'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'


Wayne.

 

[bromhead]

yo mama so fat her blood type is rocky road

 

[waynepoo]

AND GOD SAID.

God said, 'Adam, I want you to do something for me.'
Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?'
God said, 'Go down into that valley.'
Adam said, 'What's a valley?'
God explained it to him.
Then God said, 'Cross the river.'
Adam said, 'What's a river?'
God explained that to him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill....'
Adam said, 'What is a hill?'
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, 'On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.'
Adam said, 'What's a cave?'
After God explained, He said, 'In the cave you will find a women.'
Adam said, 'What's a women?'
So God explained that to him, too.
Then God said, 'I want you to reproduce.'
Adam said, 'How do I do that?'
God first said (under his breath), 'Geez.....'
And then, just like everything else, God
explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley,
across the river, and over the hill,
into the cave, and finds the women.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily,
'What is it now?'
And Adam said .....'What's a headache?'

:rolleyes2::rolleyes2:
Wayne.