Gentle Friends,
Once again, I find myself seated at my desk sipping my coffee. As usual, I am surrounded by the many beautiful miniature military figures that constitute a portion of my collection. Today, instead of gazing admiringly at my figures, my thoughts wander to the recent set of conflicts that have exhibited themselves on our forum. I wonder, "Have we reached a crisis? Is our forum disintegrating before our very eyes?" I think not. Far from it. Could these conflicts have been avoided? Oh, yes. I think so.
As I consider the present forum atmosphere, I think much discomfort could be avoided if we took the time and energy to individually refine our skills of diplomacy. Let me attempt to illustrate my point.
It seems to me that diplomacy consists of at least three major components. Perhaps there are many more components, but the following three are the ones that occur to me. They are: 1) Knowledge; 2) Sensitivity and/or empathy; and 3) timing. Let me consider the first of these: knowledge.
It is most helpful if I have a good knowledge of the issue being discussed. If I know another person's preferences, concerns, issues, and personality traits, I can more skillfully judge the potential reactions that my actions/comments may have on others. In short, I may be able to avoid insulting others, angering others, and offending others by considering what I know about my audience. Armed with knowledge of my subject and knowledge of those who will receive my message, I can make my point more skillfully. Another way in which I am fond of making this point is to say, "If I know the rules of the game, I can play the game more skillfully."
The second of my three components of diplomacy is sensitivity or empathy. If I am able to see and appreciate the point of view of another, I can exercise more patience with our differences. If I know he loves Britains figures, I know he will not appreciate me shouting, "K&C is the best company alive!" If I know he loves traditional glossy figures, I know he will not fully appreciate me saying, "Glossy figures suck!" Taking the time to try to view an issue from another's point of view is time well spent. It is okay to own and express opposing points of view, and it is okay to express your point of view in a humorous way, but the most effective expression of these differences occurs in the context of mutual understanding and respect.
Thirdly, there is timing involved in diplomacy. When you say something is oftentimes as important as what you say. Hopefully, if you have appropriate knowledge and you exercise empathy, you will be able to know when another is more likely to receive your message in an appreciative way.
Therefore, it seems to me that a working definition of diplomacy would be as follows:
Diplomacy consists of the ability to say exactly the right thing (knowledge) in exactly the right way (empathy) at exactly the right time (timing).
However, my above definition falls short on one count. So let me add one final point to my definition. While diplomacy consists of the ability to say exactly the right thing in exactly the right way at exactly the right time, it also includes the knowledge of when not to speak.
Perhaps if we all worked to exercise greater diplomacy, we could further enrich an already great forum.
Those are just some of my thoughts on this lazy day.
See you down the road.
Warmest personal regards,
Pat
