Napoleon1er
2nd Lieutenant
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2010
- Messages
- 3,085
Here is a summary of Victoria's Wars I mad efor a non-history friend (what do you think
):
The Zulu War:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lyf5FJPtCY
One sunny day, the really stupid Lord Chelmsford invaded Zululand
with a force of 5,000 British and 8,200 Africans, which he stupidly
slip into three columns. The center column established a supply post
at Rorke's Drift, a missionary station, and then advanced on to
Isandlwana, leaving only the wounded, a small contingent of regulars,
and some auxiliaries. The next morning, he left the main camp with
half of is force, in search of Zulus, who had actually been in hiding,
who then proceeded to slaughter almost every man, woman, and child in
the invading force at Isandlwana. The men at Rorke's Drift saw the
smoke, and soon a lone rider arrived at the post to warn of the
advancing Zulu army of 4,00 men, to the post's 140 men. The African
auxiliaries soon fled, leaving the remaining men too create sanbag
fortifications a and a small redoubt surrounding the hospital and
supply house. Wave after wave of Zulus charged the buildings, and
fighting raged on for the entire day. The Zulus soon succeed in
burning the hospital, whereupon the soldiers had to drag their
unconscious wounded comrades from the smoke filled building, through a
hail of Zulu bullets. When night came, the ground was littered with
the bodies of 850 dead and wounded Zulus, and 30 dead and wounded
British. The End.
The Crimean War:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXzCOlPHFmc
Essentially this war was the result of the widespread hatred of
Russia, which was justified as Russia was a cruel country that still
employed serfdom, which amounted to crueler, widespread slavery.
Britain and France reluctantly invaded Russia with the best troops in
the world, and the worst officers. They laid siege to the port of
Sevastopol in the Crimea, and the following main battles occurred:
first was Alma, which was a huge and bloody bungle on the part of the
Brits. Next was Balaclava, which became famous for three actions: The
Charge of the light Brigade, which was a major bugle in which the
British light cavalry charge down a valley lined to the brim with
Russian cannons firing canister. they took one gun battery before
getting slaughtered. The next was the charge of the Heavy Brigade,
where the Brit Heavy Cav. charge up hill and was victorious. The last
was t he thin red line, where the Sutherland Highlanders demonstrated
that a thin line of infantry could kill a "boat load" of Russian
cavalry really REALLY effectively. Sic erat.
The First Afghan War
Lord Elphistone led a column of infantry up the Khyber pass, occupied
Kabul, took no precautions against rebellion, was thrown out, and had
to brave the enemy held Khyber in the winter. After the column was
reduced to fewer than 70 men by enemy raids, it literally became a
running foot race. They were cornered on a cliff, where the last man
alive wore the Regimental Colours around his chest. All but 10 men out
of the 4,500 invasion force were killed.
Indian Mutiny
The Brits were really mean to the Indians. First Sepoy rebels killed
the wives in front of the men, while they stood helpless. Then they
made the men beg for life while their kids watched. Then they killed
the kids. Then the Brits killed them. That sums it up.
Lastly, The Sudan
We've fought with many men acrost the seas,
An' some of 'em was brave an' some was not:
The Paythan an' the Zulu an' Burmese;
But the Fuzzy was the finest o' the lot.
We never got a ha'porth's change of 'im:
'E squatted in the scrub an' 'ocked our 'orses,
'E cut our sentries up at Sua~kim~,
An' 'e played the cat an' banjo with our forces.
So 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in the Soudan;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
We gives you your certificate, an' if you want it signed
We'll come an' 'ave a romp with you whenever you're inclined.
We took our chanst among the Khyber 'ills,
The Boers knocked us silly at a mile,
The Burman give us Irriwaddy chills,
An' a Zulu ~impi~ dished us up in style:
But all we ever got from such as they
Was pop to what the Fuzzy made us swaller;
We 'eld our bloomin' own, the papers say,
But man for man the Fuzzy knocked us 'oller.
Then 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, an' the missis and the kid;
Our orders was to break you, an' of course we went an' did.
We sloshed you with Martinis, an' it wasn't 'ardly fair;
But for all the odds agin' you, Fuzzy-Wuz, you broke the square.
'E 'asn't got no papers of 'is own,
'E 'asn't got no medals nor rewards,
So we must certify the skill 'e's shown
In usin' of 'is long two-'anded swords:
When 'e's 'oppin' in an' out among the bush
With 'is coffin-'eaded shield an' shovel-spear,
An 'appy day with Fuzzy on the rush
Will last an 'ealthy Tommy for a year.
So 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, an' your friends which are no more,
If we 'adn't lost some messmates we would 'elp you to deplore;
But give an' take's the gospel, an' we'll call the bargain fair,
For if you 'ave lost more than us, you crumpled up the square!
'E rushes at the smoke when we let drive,
An', before we know, 'e's 'ackin' at our 'ead;
'E's all 'ot sand an' ginger when alive,
An' 'e's generally shammin' when 'e's dead.
'E's a daisy, 'e's a ducky, 'e's a lamb!
'E's a injia-rubber idiot on the spree,
'E's the on'y thing that doesn't give a ****
For a Regiment o' British Infantree!
So 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in the Soudan;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
An' 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, with your 'ayrick 'ead of 'air —
You big black boundin' beggar — for you broke a British square!
):The Zulu War:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lyf5FJPtCY
One sunny day, the really stupid Lord Chelmsford invaded Zululand
with a force of 5,000 British and 8,200 Africans, which he stupidly
slip into three columns. The center column established a supply post
at Rorke's Drift, a missionary station, and then advanced on to
Isandlwana, leaving only the wounded, a small contingent of regulars,
and some auxiliaries. The next morning, he left the main camp with
half of is force, in search of Zulus, who had actually been in hiding,
who then proceeded to slaughter almost every man, woman, and child in
the invading force at Isandlwana. The men at Rorke's Drift saw the
smoke, and soon a lone rider arrived at the post to warn of the
advancing Zulu army of 4,00 men, to the post's 140 men. The African
auxiliaries soon fled, leaving the remaining men too create sanbag
fortifications a and a small redoubt surrounding the hospital and
supply house. Wave after wave of Zulus charged the buildings, and
fighting raged on for the entire day. The Zulus soon succeed in
burning the hospital, whereupon the soldiers had to drag their
unconscious wounded comrades from the smoke filled building, through a
hail of Zulu bullets. When night came, the ground was littered with
the bodies of 850 dead and wounded Zulus, and 30 dead and wounded
British. The End.
The Crimean War:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXzCOlPHFmc
Essentially this war was the result of the widespread hatred of
Russia, which was justified as Russia was a cruel country that still
employed serfdom, which amounted to crueler, widespread slavery.
Britain and France reluctantly invaded Russia with the best troops in
the world, and the worst officers. They laid siege to the port of
Sevastopol in the Crimea, and the following main battles occurred:
first was Alma, which was a huge and bloody bungle on the part of the
Brits. Next was Balaclava, which became famous for three actions: The
Charge of the light Brigade, which was a major bugle in which the
British light cavalry charge down a valley lined to the brim with
Russian cannons firing canister. they took one gun battery before
getting slaughtered. The next was the charge of the Heavy Brigade,
where the Brit Heavy Cav. charge up hill and was victorious. The last
was t he thin red line, where the Sutherland Highlanders demonstrated
that a thin line of infantry could kill a "boat load" of Russian
cavalry really REALLY effectively. Sic erat.
The First Afghan War
Lord Elphistone led a column of infantry up the Khyber pass, occupied
Kabul, took no precautions against rebellion, was thrown out, and had
to brave the enemy held Khyber in the winter. After the column was
reduced to fewer than 70 men by enemy raids, it literally became a
running foot race. They were cornered on a cliff, where the last man
alive wore the Regimental Colours around his chest. All but 10 men out
of the 4,500 invasion force were killed.
Indian Mutiny
The Brits were really mean to the Indians. First Sepoy rebels killed
the wives in front of the men, while they stood helpless. Then they
made the men beg for life while their kids watched. Then they killed
the kids. Then the Brits killed them. That sums it up.
Lastly, The Sudan
We've fought with many men acrost the seas,
An' some of 'em was brave an' some was not:
The Paythan an' the Zulu an' Burmese;
But the Fuzzy was the finest o' the lot.
We never got a ha'porth's change of 'im:
'E squatted in the scrub an' 'ocked our 'orses,
'E cut our sentries up at Sua~kim~,
An' 'e played the cat an' banjo with our forces.
So 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in the Soudan;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
We gives you your certificate, an' if you want it signed
We'll come an' 'ave a romp with you whenever you're inclined.
We took our chanst among the Khyber 'ills,
The Boers knocked us silly at a mile,
The Burman give us Irriwaddy chills,
An' a Zulu ~impi~ dished us up in style:
But all we ever got from such as they
Was pop to what the Fuzzy made us swaller;
We 'eld our bloomin' own, the papers say,
But man for man the Fuzzy knocked us 'oller.
Then 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, an' the missis and the kid;
Our orders was to break you, an' of course we went an' did.
We sloshed you with Martinis, an' it wasn't 'ardly fair;
But for all the odds agin' you, Fuzzy-Wuz, you broke the square.
'E 'asn't got no papers of 'is own,
'E 'asn't got no medals nor rewards,
So we must certify the skill 'e's shown
In usin' of 'is long two-'anded swords:
When 'e's 'oppin' in an' out among the bush
With 'is coffin-'eaded shield an' shovel-spear,
An 'appy day with Fuzzy on the rush
Will last an 'ealthy Tommy for a year.
So 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, an' your friends which are no more,
If we 'adn't lost some messmates we would 'elp you to deplore;
But give an' take's the gospel, an' we'll call the bargain fair,
For if you 'ave lost more than us, you crumpled up the square!
'E rushes at the smoke when we let drive,
An', before we know, 'e's 'ackin' at our 'ead;
'E's all 'ot sand an' ginger when alive,
An' 'e's generally shammin' when 'e's dead.
'E's a daisy, 'e's a ducky, 'e's a lamb!
'E's a injia-rubber idiot on the spree,
'E's the on'y thing that doesn't give a ****
For a Regiment o' British Infantree!
So 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in the Soudan;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
An' 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, with your 'ayrick 'ead of 'air —
You big black boundin' beggar — for you broke a British square!
