Question (1 Viewer)

[wellington]

My wife and I are having a major disagreement on my collection and I want to run something past you guys and get your perspective....I collect toy soldiers and antiques as we all do here, its me and it will never change, currently my stuff is displayed very tastfully in a palor room we have off our main floor, only because there currently is no where else to put it, ....my wife continually calls my stuff crap and that she can't stand what I have and avoids even going into the room that my collection sits in...it looks very tastful and I have had most people tell me that it looks nice whether they are not telling me the truth or not isn't the point...anyhow...I feel guilty about this based on my wifes comments...and DO NOT enjoy my collection as a result of her feelings she has expressed to me and others on a regular basis....I have suggested that we finish off the basement so that I could put my stuff in a room that is out of the way and I have now been told that if I think I'm putting stuff in a room in the basement wrecking it or where my 2 year old can't play freely then I have another thing coming....how does it work in your guys homes and what is your spouse truley like regarding it??? I have also been made to feel guilty about any money I spend...if I had to I would sell my stuff in a minute to help my family out....I actually sold off my entire military collection in the past because of these unwelcomed comments and have helped my family out with the money I got....

My wife likes to spend money as well on clothes, makeup, going for diner with her friends etc....she has nothing to show for it yet I do without to buy stuff..and if I had to I would sell it in a heart beat.....



WELLINGTON

 

[nysoldiers]

See a marriage counselor.............
My wife is happy that I have a hobby and respects my enthusiasm for history and collecting.
Of course there are compromises on spending and space.

Would she be happier if you were out gambling and drinking????

 

[fmethorst]

My wife and I are having a major disagreement on my collection and I want to run something past you guys and get your perspective....I collect toy soldiers and antiques as we all do here, its me and it will never change, currently my stuff is displayed very tastfully in a palor room we have off our main floor, only because there currently is no where else to put it, ....my wife continually calls my stuff crap and that she can't stand what I have and avoids even going into the room that my collection sits in...it looks very tastful and I have had most people tell me that it looks nice whether they are not telling me the truth or not isn't the point...anyhow...I feel guilty about this based on my wifes comments...and DO NOT enjoy my collection as a result of her feelings she has expressed to me and others on a regular basis....I have suggested that we finish off the basement so that I could put my stuff in a room that is out of the way and I have now been told that if I think I'm putting stuff in a room in the basement wrecking it or where my 2 year old can't play freely then I have another thing coming....how does it work in your guys homes and what is your spouse truley like regarding it??? I have also been made to feel guilty about any money I spend...if I had to I would sell my stuff in a minute to help my family out....I actually sold off my entire military collection in the past because of these unwelcomed comments and have helped my family out with the money I got....

My wife likes to spend money as well on clothes, makeup, going for diner with her friends etc....she has nothing to show for it yet I do without to buy stuff..and if I had to I would sell it in a heart beat.....

WELLINGTON

Honestly, to call your stuff crap other than in jest is just plain disrespectful of you. There must be some underlying angst to provoke such a virulent response.

If I had to guess she misunderstands this hobby and probably views it as a grown man blowing good money on children's toys. It sounds like she is embarassed in having it around and potentially having other friends and family see it

A couple things I would suggest would be to try to educate her about the hobby. "Toy Soldiers" is a bit of a misnomer when these pieces are clearly "military miniatures" designed for adults. This is especially true when one considers the price ranging from $25 - $2500 for a single piece depending on the piece. At the higher end these pieces are fine art and should be treated thus. The second thing that I think needs to be dealt with is the lack of respect for you. That conversation needs to be about you and not her, how it makes you feel etc.

I am fortunate in the relationship I have with my wife. We are both very supportive of each other regardless of whether it's a shared interest or not.

I wish you the best of luck with your problem.

 

[Njja]

Wellington:

I completely understand your frustrations. First off we have to realize other people have other interests. Our wives (our partners in life) worry about different things, the home, children, bills, and often see our "hobbies" as a complete waste of time and assets!

I am lucky because my wife is very tolerant even though I have heard on occasion......."You paid what?.....You could have bought a small car for that"!

Here is my solution, perhaps it will work for you. We bought our first house because of my collections, I sold a car, then items from my den everytime additional money was needed for house inspection, attorney, surveys.

Over the years my wife has attended shows, helped with auctions, and assisted me when I promoted antique & collectible shows and has recognized that I seem to know what I'm doing. You would be suprised how their opinion changes when they see that the "collection" is actually bringing in more then you are spending.

I had a friend, a great train collector, he probably had $200K in trains all sitting in boxes in his two car garage. You had to walk a narrow path to get through. His wife was so annoyed she made your wifes attitude seem like praise. The four of us went to York (Big Train Show) one year, we both had tables, I made $2k in about 2 hrs then the wife and I walked around and had a nice lunch. My friend Joe didn't sell anything (he couldn't bear to) then he spent $2k on new stuff which he told the girls was mine........till he could stash it in his trunk. Point is my wife went home happy......Joe's just went home.

Don't sell anything you don't want to......but if you can pass something to another collector and let her see that all your "Junk" has real value she may change her opinion!

Next thing, get it out of her sight! Wives tend to take ownership of the home, and often they don't want a lot of "Junk" cluttering up The Taj. I have always had a den, stuffed to the gills and then some. Wife doesn't even care to enter! I have to force her in to look at whatever is new then she runs out!

Some Collectors would never think of selling anything, thats fine. Other collectors need to convince their wives that they haven't totally lost their minds!

I find myself in the latter category as Mr. Whang (our mailman) has already agreed to testfy should the wife ever seek a divorce!

Njja

 

[nasirkasmani]

My wife and I are having a major disagreement on my collection and I want to run something past you guys and get your perspective....I collect toy soldiers and antiques as we all do here, its me and it will never change, currently my stuff is displayed very tastfully in a palor room we have off our main floor, only because there currently is no where else to put it, ....my wife continually calls my stuff crap and that she can't stand what I have and avoids even going into the room that my collection sits in...it looks very tastful and I have had most people tell me that it looks nice whether they are not telling me the truth or not isn't the point...anyhow...I feel guilty about this based on my wifes comments...and DO NOT enjoy my collection as a result of her feelings she has expressed to me and others on a regular basis....I have suggested that we finish off the basement so that I could put my stuff in a room that is out of the way and I have now been told that if I think I'm putting stuff in a room in the basement wrecking it or where my 2 year old can't play freely then I have another thing coming....how does it work in your guys homes and what is your spouse truley like regarding it??? I have also been made to feel guilty about any money I spend...if I had to I would sell my stuff in a minute to help my family out....I actually sold off my entire military collection in the past because of these unwelcomed comments and have helped my family out with the money I got....

My wife likes to spend money as well on clothes, makeup, going for diner with her friends etc....she has nothing to show for it yet I do without to buy stuff..and if I had to I would sell it in a heart beat.....



WELLINGTON

Hi mate,

i feel sorry for you mate.

my family only goes as far as vetoing against my wishes to my a proper display cabinet. So 95% of my miniature and 1/6 figures are still in their original boxes.

but this has a practical reason that my family's home genuinely has not too much space left to spare.

coming from a family of collectors with different interests, we are continually arguing with usually good banter, with one anothers' collection (books, dvds, shoes, jewelry, miniature hobbies etc..)

maybe as Frank said, something is upsetting your wife?

perhaps she feels you spent too much time with our hobby, and feels rather neglected?

or maybe she takes offense with some of the collection pieces, e.g the nazi personalities perhaps?

for my family, as my family suffered under the brutal Japanese occupation, i so far refuse to purchase any Imperial Japanese Army figures.
But i give a leeway to the Kamikaze pilots as they are Navy.

Though my family has never disapproved of my figures, i remembered the horrible recounts of the raping Japanese Army, and made my decision. That's not to say the Navy is clean though, but the Japanese Army, by virtue of being the land forces, did the most damage and are the culprits in the stories i heard.

 

[arnhem44mad]

Well no one knows more about marriage than me, and....Wait a min!!!!!What am I saying

I think I've lost it

 

[Sahara]

As my wife once said "I know you love your history but if you don't sell some of your collection you'll be history." Thank god she was just kiddin. I feel for you and hope everything works out for you. She embrasses my hobby and I try my hardest to take an interest in hers.

 

[wellington]

Thanks guys great ideas...I will let you know how it all works out in the end...
I think ifthe money is spent on her she would be satisfied....


WELLINGTON

 

[redhugh]

Thanks guys great ideas...I will let you know how it all works out in the end...
I think ifthe money is spent on her she would be satisfied....


WELLINGTON

A bit of pampering and some extra attention goes a long way, they can be delicate flowers at times

 

[Rob]

When we lived in our previous house my collection of soldiers/history books and dvd's was displayed in various locations around the house.When we moved here one of the bedrooms became my study and all my stuff is in there in one room,and my wife is much happier with that as there is less clutter around.As long as my spending doesn't get out of control my wife is very supportive indeed,she takes a slight interest in it and knows it makes me happy.She's actually very good at identifying different tanks now!.

I use a certain amount of money each month or at each show and do not go above that,i would not put stuff on the credit card without telling her or having the money to pay it off.We are a team and i would not want to hide stuff from her,it will always come back to haunt you sooner or later if you do.

I remember the first Toy soldier show i went to in London many years ago.I was talking to a guy who said he was going to be in so much trouble and his wife was going to go through the roof when he got home.'Why'? i asked.'Me and the wife have both just lost our jobs and are in serious debt,and i've just put another two thousand worth of Toy soldiers on the credit card this morning'!!!.

Don't get me wrong i love my Toy Soldiers,but if it threatened my relationship i'd stop collecting them.(But Don't tell Tony or Mike Neville that,i don't want to worry them!)

Rob

 

[The Templar]

My wife don´t clap her hands about my collection! She think i spend too much money on soliders etc., even though she finds them nice!

But it is my clear feeling, that she tolerates it and she even joined me at the London Toy Soldier Show in March 2008.

This was the greatest idea ever. There she saw hundred of other collectors and she has been much more positive about my collecting since then!

My crusader dio she almost proudly presents to visitors

I have been "given" a corner i our basement to my collection, and it works great!

Try to involve her! Take her to shows and let her see and meet other collectors! And most important - let her meet other collectors wives!

 

[OzDigger]

My wife don´t clap her hands about my collection! She think i spend too much money on soliders etc., even though she finds them nice!

But it is my clear feeling, that she tolerates it and she even joined me at the London Toy Soldier Show in March 2008.

This was the greatest idea ever. There she saw hundred of other collectors and she has been much more positive about my collecting since then!

My crusader dio she almost proudly presents to visitors

I have been "given" a corner i our basement to my collection, and it works great!

Try to involve her! Take her to shows and let her see and meet other collectors! And most important - let her meet other collectors wives!

That's a good idea, most women love to travel to different cities for new shopping opportunities. Ok, maybe that's not such a good idea after all

 

[theBaron]

Best way to deal with "She Who Must Be Obeyed," eh?

Prost!
Brad

 

[Flammenpanzer]

My wife used to look at my soldiers as toys in the beginning. I then bought her some of the Ancient Egyptians sets. She really liked the period and now can share collecting with me. On my own I have sold off almost all my WWII stuff. I feel when people came over it is a pain to always explain why I collect that stuff. We now have a simple collection of K&C Egyptians and Conte Spartans. The Zulus and Rorke's Drift stuff is probably be next.

 

[Alexdakar]

When I've had visitors at my house it seems like the women are more interested than the guys. The guys say "That's cool dude" and that's it but the women stare and ask all kinds of questions. My wife is cool with my collection.

 

[Leadmen]

My wife tolerates my spending to a certain extent. Some times she really likes the figures and shows her friends and other times she says I have enough and to "grow up". Right now she has been supportive and even bought a few figures herself.She looks forward to Chicago and other shows and likes to go and shop.

I would rather spend my money on figures that I can enjoy all year then a roller coaster ride or expensive dinners that are gone the following day. I do get complaints that she does what I like. Guess I have to go to a few garden tours or something. Anyhow, I am not going to change my hobby. Leadmen

 

[sammy719]

My Wife For The Most Part Is A Pretty Good Sport About My Collecting, She Just Finds It Very Strange Alot Of Our Vacations Seem To Fall On The Calander The Exact Same Time As A West Coaster, Or Chicago Show Happen To Be Going On,and We Just Happen To Be In That Same City??? But In All Fairness 3 Years Ago I Was Into All Kinds Of Stuff...conte, Forces Of Valor, 21st Century And My Wife Said One Day At A Visit To Toy Soldier Store ( Why Don't You Just Collect Those K&c Guys, They Look Much Better Then That Other Stuff You Got.)

Which I Always Wanted To Collect The K&c Just Didn't Know How She Would React To Some Of The Prices,so In Reality My Wife Got Me Started In My K&c Collecting!! And Life Has Never Been Sweeter Ha!!...sammy

 

[debrito]

The trick is...for each toy soldier’s piece you buy, you buy a bouquet of FLOWERS to her...As I believe, people here consume a lot of toy soldiers (at least one set a month) you wife will receive a lot of FLOWERS.

In my case doesn't really works, cause I buy no more than 3 sets a year, so Ms debrito don't have many Flowers..

 

[Spitfrnd]

My wife got me started in the figure side of military miniatures with a Birthday present; she just didn't realize I would take it from there but she is happy to have something she knows I will like. Wellington, I suspect it is not really about your hobby itself but only you can find the right answer. Sometimes you just have to talk about things; not a typical guy approach

 

[OzDigger]

My wife tolerates my spending to a certain extent. Some times she really likes the figures and shows her friends and other times she says I have enough and to "grow up". Right now she has been supportive and even bought a few figures herself.She looks forward to Chicago and other shows and likes to go and shop.

I would rather spend my money on figures that I can enjoy all year then a roller coaster ride or expensive dinners that are gone the following day. I do get complaints that she does what I like. Guess I have to go to a few garden tours or something. Anyhow, I am not going to change my hobby. Leadmen

My wife loves expensive dinners, and I love roller coasters, but I usually don't combine the two