I hope you get your health squared away soon, my friend, because I lost more than 25 lbs since the last time you saw me to get in shape for "sitting on my butt up and down the stairs all day" at another one of our photo shoots. I have rarely had a better time then those last two visits (although I was "knackered" afterwards (I know, my pronunciation is off, but I'm working on it).
Spencer! Wrong kew!!!
(inside joke - I'll let Kevin tell you the story with his wry British sense of humor).
Spencer
It was just before Christmas a few years ago, at the up market supermarket in town. Every aisle seemed crowded, there were queues at every counter for meat, deli, bread etc. I and about a dozen other gentlemen, with a few ladies, were entrusted with buying bread whilst the superior shoppers did the tough stuff with the trolley.
Next to the bread counter was a parallel queue for bacon sandwiches and other ready to eat hot food. There was no sign to delineate the queue, it was just how people had organised themselves. In this queue was a fifty odd year old, well dressed, small, slim, guy with a complexion that suggested a fondness for finest scotch. I was musing over which fresh loaf to buy, when around the corner from the next aisle came a tall, broad, well dressed woman with a formidable countenance. Think of a nearly six foot Hatie Jaques with attitude.
She looked at the layout of the queues before uttering in a perfect upper class English accent, but in a shrill, loud and unbelievably intimidating manner, "Spencer, wrong queue".
Poor Spencer visibly crumpled. The tone, pitch, diction and volume of her voice created a spectracular and immediate impact, as about a dozen guys involuntarily, but in choreographic unison, crossed their legs and looked at their feet like they had never seen them before - me included. Poor Spencer, I immediately understood the complexion.
Since then a new vocabulary entered my family. The man is Spencer. The verb is 'to Spencer' - but only by 'Mrs Spencer'. There are complex verbs, to ride Spencer etc etc. The adjective and adverb álso follow, e.g. spencered.
A good Spencer is an incompetent Spencer. I bet there is not a (married?) guy out there who does not know what is meant by this. Whenever Louis and I meet up, we continue to have a laugh at me, him and the rest of the male population 'being Spencered'. Daily life and observation delivers many examples.
Louis is a guy to be admired and lived up to however, he has a 'nag free zone'. I try to live up to his shining example, to the point where my long suffering wife now refers to me going to Louis - and any other boy's stuff I occasionally get to do - as ''going to Spencer camp" - where guerillas learn to resist repression...............for a while at least.
I hope that you do not sit there like a whipped cur, but have the same spirit of our American cousins like Louis, fighting injustice and repression, as it is said in Hollywood. May you all make it to the right queue, may your cock ups prevent you from being asked the next time and may your zone be nag free. For debate - Toy soldiers may be healthier than fine scotch.
Apologies in advance to anyone called Spencer, it is a great name.
This text, image rights, future spin offs, films and books are all Copyright of Kevin Ellliott