War Movies: the Root Canal Collection (2 Viewers)

[Spitfrnd]

We have had a fun and educational exchange exchanging views on our favorite war movies recently in several threads. One comment in some of those posts has inspired me to explore the other side of the coin. So what about those war movies that are so bad they make us want to seek a painful alternative, like visiting relatives or getting a root canal? Surely they merit our attention. So please post your views on the worst war movies you have seen. Feel free to post as few or as many as you like; with as little or as much comment as you like. In fact I will bend the genre rules a bit with my first candidate: Coverfield

It was simultaneously painful and hilarious to watch. It is hard for me to fathom how this "thing" (or its producer, writer and director) escaped from film school. The "actors" clearly did not. I would characterize it as a sort of Survivor meets Godzilla. Of course it is well positioned with the current nauseating popularity of "reality" (subnomem: bad) TV and other such rubbish. I will qualify it as a "war" movie since it contains much military hardware in action (albeit silly and poorly filmed) against the so called alien threat.

For those that have not seen it, it is supposed to depict the destruction of Manhattan by some "thing" and the affected "escapades" of some insipid Gen Xers that is captured on video by some of friends. It features no real plot, no writing, no acting, pitiful special effects and hand held camera work that confuses distortion with realistic. If this represents the pinnacle of modern film making, I am glad to have such an extensive collection from the old school; I certainly won't be watching more of this garbage. To me the only redeeming value was that most of the vapid characters were apparently dispatched by the so-called monster. Too bad it didn't eat the camera. This movie really did make me crave for that root canal. The only scary thing about it is that it has already spawned a sequel; now that is horrible.

Next candidate please????

 

[theBaron]

Worst war movies? Good idea, here are 3 I can think of off the bat:

"Midway"
"Battle of the Bulge" (Henry Fonda, Robert Shaw, Telly Savalas, et all)
"Pearl Harbor"

I found PH so bad, I never finished it. And I can't get past the horrible, horrible use of the wrong stock footage images in "Midway". At least "Battle of the Bulge" has the Panzerlied, and Robert Shaw is great, even as a caricature. And Hans Christian Blech was great as his batman, Conrad (though it was a demotion from the rank of major Blech played in "The Longest Day").

Prost!
Brad

 

[gk5717]

One of the worst I,ve seen lately which kinda started this movie theme is Guns of Navarrone, no further comment. I also would include The Battle ofthe Bulge. Almost forgot it,s so bad it causes you to watch it again John Wayne in the Green Berets.
Gary

 

[Spitfrnd]

...I also would include The Battle ofthe Bulge. Almost forgot it,s so bad it causes you to watch it again John Wayne in the Green Berets.
Gary

Should we take Green Berets as your third suggestion?

 

[UKReb]

Someone has beaten me to my first choice Pearl Harbor so I'll switch to the second worst war movie from my personal Root Canal Collection.

Windtalkers!!!!!

Dreadful movie- what was an interesting concept and could have become a reasonably decent war film to stand alongside "Go for Broke" which had a similar story of an ethnic group Japanese/Americans of the 442nd Regimental Combat team fighting in Europe rather than the Navajo code-talkers became instead a Woo-disaster.
Every war movie cliche was thrown in -sometimes twice in case we missed the first one
Wooden acting throughout (no disrespect intended as I'm mainly referring to Cage & Slater)
Laughable combat scenes looking as if filmed in a sand-pit on the back-lot
Grenades exploding in laps and just grazing the ear???????
Longest time fuse ever seen on film from picking up the enemy's explosive and throwing it back at him(scene appeared to go on for 10 minutes)
Predictable from scene 1 all the way through to the very last scene in Monument Valley (best scene in the film by the way)
And smothered/suffocated/drowned in wretched over the top political correctness.
It even had the Woo slow motion scenes including his signatory white doves only in this box-office disaster he should have used turkeys.
Reb

 

[UKReb]

Should we take Green Berets as your third suggestion?

As the kid was called Hamchuck what do you think?

 

[theBaron]

I'm skeptical of any war movie made since 1963, that is, I watch it, and ask myself whether a given piece of dialogue or plot action really represents political correctness or anachronistic anti-war sentiment. Even in movies that don't appear to have an agenda, I think Hollywood is so tainted with it, that it's almost impossible to avoid.

Prosit!
Brad

 

[Spitfrnd]

Someone has beaten me to my first choice Pearl Harbor so I'll switch to the second worst war movie from my personal Root Canal Collection.

Windtalkers!!!!!

Dreadful movie- what was an interesting concept and could have become a reasonably decent war film to stand alongside "Go for Broke" which had a similar story of an ethnic group Japanese/Americans of the 442nd Regimental Combat team fighting in Europe rather than the Navajo code-talkers became instead a Woo-disaster.
Every war movie cliche was thrown in -sometimes twice in case we missed the first one
Wooden acting throughout (no disrespect intended as I'm mainly referring to Cage & Slater)
Laughable combat scenes looking as if filmed in a sand-pit on the back-lot
Grenades exploding in laps and just grazing the ear???????
Longest time fuse ever seen on film from picking up the enemy's explosive and throwing it back at him(scene appeared to go on for 10 minutes)
Predictable from scene 1 all the way through to the very last scene in Monument Valley (best scene in the film by the way)
And smothered/suffocated/drowned in wretched over the top political correctness.
It even had the Woo slow motion scenes including his signatory white doves only in this box-office disaster he should have used turkeys.
Reb

Good choice, it would be right down there on my list; also Green Berets and Rambo (if you can call that a war movie).

 

[UKReb]

We have had a fun and educational exchange exchanging views on our favorite war movies recently in several threads. One comment in some of those posts has inspired me to explore the other side of the coin. So what about those war movies that are so bad they make us want to seek a painful alternative, like visiting relatives or getting a root canal? Surely they merit our attention. So please post your views on the worst war movies you have seen. Feel free to post as few or as many as you like; with as little or as much comment as you like. In fact I will bend the genre rules a bit with my first candidate: Coverfield

It was simultaneously painful and hilarious to watch. It is hard for me to fathom how this "thing" (or its producer, writer and director) escaped from film school. The "actors" clearly did not. I would characterize it as a sort of Survivor meets Godzilla. Of course it is well positioned with the current nauseating popularity of "reality" (subnomem: bad) TV and other such rubbish. I will qualify it as a "war" movie since it contains much military hardware in action (albeit silly and poorly filmed) against the so called alien threat.

For those that have not seen it, it is supposed to depict the destruction of Manhattan by some "thing" and the affected "escapades" of some insipid Gen Xers that is captured on video by some of friends. It features no real plot, no writing, no acting, pitiful special effects and hand held camera work that confuses distortion with realistic. If this represents the pinnacle of modern film making, I am glad to have such an extensive collection from the old school; I certainly won't be watching more of this garbage. To me the only redeeming value was that most of the vapid characters were apparently dispatched by the so-called monster. Too bad it didn't eat the camera. This movie really did make me crave for that root canal. The only scary thing about it is that it has already spawned a sequel; now that is horrible.

Next candidate please????

Not caught this one Spitfrnd and due to your very erudite review have absolutely no intention of altering my current position.
But in similar vein would like to add "Mars Attacks" to my list.

 

[Warrior]

My top five worst war movies of all time

5.) Stalingrad 1958 version (also known as Dogs, do you want to live forever). The person who peddled this to me (who shall go nameless to protect his business) claimed it was better than the 1992 version. It was brutal; during one scene where a German is advancing through the rubbled out city, you can clearly see the canvas backdrop of the ruined city moving back and forth.

4.) Tobruk. This turkey is beyond bad, about a group of British troops and German Jews who go behind enemy lines to knock out a coastal battery and fuel dump; has nothing much to do with Tobruk at all. And I loved the vehicles used to depict the Italian and German armies, those wonderful modern US tanks that all the war movies in the 60's used as German tanks.

3.) Gods and Generals. This disaster killed any hope of seeing the final chapter of the three book trilogy, The Last Full Measure. The scene depecting the Union assault on Fredericksburg wasn't too bad, showing the slaughter that was the assault on the heights beyond the town, but the other two battles were awful, just awful. The acting was over the top bad as well. Rubbish.

2.) Force ten from Navarone. Please. "Jaws" from Bond movie fame as a twenty foot tall partizan, "Apollo Creed" as a commando, Barbara Bach as another partizan (ok, I stand corrected, not a bad choice for eye candy) and the German T34 tanks crossing the river as the water rushes down on them and wipes out the bridge. Lord.

1.) Battle of the Bulge. It's so bad, it's good. One of my all time guilty pleasure movies, loved it as a kid, warped my perspective on the actual events of the real Battle of the Bulge (Germans and Americans slug it out at the end in a desert?, Germans had Roco tanks to use as map markers in 1944, who is Colonel Hessler, thought it was Colonel Peiper?, etc, etc).

 

[Peter Reuss]

Windtalkers!!!!!

Dreadful movie- what was an interesting concept
Reb

So much potential...so little result.

 

[jrsteel]

Anybody remember a movie from the late 1960's called "Castle Keep"? I don't remember what it was about but it starred Burt Lancaster. He payed a Colonel with a patch over his eye. I just remember it was horrible.
How about "Ambush Bay" also from the 60's. Mickey Rooney,Hugh O'Brien and Jim Mitchum on a secret mission in The Phillipinnes. One of them wears a red baseball hat through the movie as they try to go undetected in the jungle.
I was excited when "The Thin Red Line" came out but that was pretty bad. It did have good cinemetography though.

 

[1879fanatic]

In my humble opinion Apocalypse Now is/was most painful, with that cast and Oliver Stone , I'd rather watch paint dry(Quite enjoyable actually)
DISCLAIMER: one of my favorites was Green Berets . Mike

 

[theBaron]

In my humble opinion Apocalypse Now is/was most painful, with that cast and Oliver Stone , I'd rather watch paint dry(Quite enjoyable actually)...

Right. That was a piece of blatant propaganda. I'm sure Joseph Conrad had Vietnam in mind when he wrote "Heart of Darkness". I think Coppola was already convinced of his own greatness by the time he put out that stinker.

And Stone-right again. Everything he does is a conspiracy theory wrapped in a script.

Prost!
Brad

 

[jazzeum]

Well, on this list, it looks like we have some disagreements.

I enjoy the Battle of the Bulge. Not a great movie and not realistic but fun, plus the scene at the beginning of the movie when they're singing the song is worth the price of admission.

Windtalkers: didn't seem that bad to me. Actually enjoyed it.

Apocalypse Now: one of the great movies. Perhaps the Baron was drinking his horses' beer when it came out

 

[UKReb]

Well, on this list, it looks like we have some disagreements.

I enjoy the Battle of the Bulge. Not a great movie and not realistic but fun, plus the scene at the beginning of the movie when they're singing the song is worth the price of admission.

Windtalkers: didn't seem that bad to me. Actually enjoyed it.

Apocalypse Now: one of the great movies. Perhaps the Baron was drinking his horses' beer when it came out

I saw BoB in London circa '66/67 and as an impressionable teen-ager viewing it in it's release format of 70mm Super-Cinerama with full stereophonic sound it was quite an experience compared to today watching it on a TV screen.

Windtalkers-I've had my say on that

But have to agree Apocalypse Now although not a great sure doesn't deserve to be on this list afterall Conrad's novel was kinda dark and far from an easy read the same as Coppola's version albeit somewhat flawed is not an easy watch but imo it sure aint a turkey.

 

[1879fanatic]

I will grant you that Robert Duvall's character saved the day. The movie, coming out in the dark days of the seventies, right after the sting of Hueys being jettisoned off the carriers on the way out, does not pay homage in the least bit to the guys and gals that were over there, and furthermore just pisses me off that the film came out when it did, to stir up the wounds again, Hollywood style. Sorry, that's my humble... Mike

 

[jazzeum]

I thought Apocalypse Now was great until the Marlo Brando parts towards the end. The travel to the heart of darkness was very well done but when they got there, it seemed to suffer. Perhaps Coppola didn't know how to finish it off.

You know, I hear this about not paying homage to the people who served but that wasn't the time when these films were made so you're expecting too much. You had to live through that time (I was a teenager in the 60s) to understand it; I think some of those saying it were probably just being born in that decade As a result, you have films like Apocalypse Now and the Deer Hunter. These are great movies and reflected -- and I think they did although others may disagree -- the attitude of the time. We can't impose today's attitude on films made back in the late 60s or early 70s. This was a time of doubting society, changing things (for better or for worse), instability in our culture and cynicism towards politicians which, considering Watergate, might have been justified. As the Byrds said, "the times, they are a changing."

 

[OzDigger]

I actually thought that 'Windtalkers' was an ok movie and one of Nic Cages best, not that there's much scope there And surely 'Windtalkers' was better than 'The Thin Red Line', which several big stars couldn't save.

Btw, I sat through 'Pearl Harbor', totally ignoring the romance of course And I also reckoned 'Cloverfield' had some good ideas, but then I'm a badge wearing Sci Fi nerd

As for the 'Worst War Movie' I have ever seen. Well, there is no shortage of candidates as that genre seems to encourage cliches and over the top acting.

But imo 'Stealth' is Number One on the Worst list. Most of the actors, the producer, and the director should have been taken behind the wood shed and soundly beaten with a pick handle.

Here's a link if you can't recall that 'Stealth' turkey: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stealth_(film)

 

[Louis Badolato]

The worst war movie I ever saw, hands down, (Kevin Elliott and I almost fell asleep it was so dreadfully dull) is a horrible black and white slightly post war mess called "The Fighting Rats of Tobruk". Not even the magnificent subject matter (the ANZAC forces defending Tobruk) and the use of period weapons could salvage this turkey.