A Texan Moves North
JANUARY 10
It's 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums an sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful.
JANUARY 11
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and scrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both the driveway and the sidewalk. Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with composted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.
JANUARY 12
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled the driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and pulled his trick again. Now much of the snow is brownish-gray.
JANUARY 13
It warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my butt in the driveway. $145.00 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.
JANUARY 14
Still cold as heck. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 to get her to work. Slid into the guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of this white misery fall last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That idiot on snowplow came by twice today.
JANUARY 15
It's 2 friggin degress outside. More friggin snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the friggin house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and I lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. The car slid off the road on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.
JANUARY 16
God dang friggin white wretchedness keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the friggin mailbox. If I ever catch that idiot that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the corner and waits till I shovel our driveway again! Power is still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.
JANUARY 17
Six more friggin inches of friggin snow and friggin sleet and friggin ice and no telling what other kind of white friggin white purgatory fell last night. I wounded the friggin snowplow moron with an my shovel, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow-blind. I can't feel my friggin toes. Haven't seen the sun in 8 weeks. More white torment is predicted. Wind chill is 22 friggin degrees below.
I'm moving my butt back to Texas!!!!!!!!!!!!!
